He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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