Will you blow on my dice?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
