He disabled his match.com account in front of me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
