My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
