Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
