I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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