Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize