I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
