Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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