is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
