chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
