i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
