PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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