The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
