Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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