Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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