Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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