Do you still have your period?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
