the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
