Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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