theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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