No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
