I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
