Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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