dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
