listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
