found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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