Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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