I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
