it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I enjoy the company of your penis
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