YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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