Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
