Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
