last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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