Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
