he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
