So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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