I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
