dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
