Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
