and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
