just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
