It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize