it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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