I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
