I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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