I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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