Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
