apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
