I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
