i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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