Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
