Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
