every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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