im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
