Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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