Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
