i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
