Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
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