And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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