I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
