this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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