I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
