I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
